Feelings (emotions) are different from thoughts - although some people mix them up when they speak.
So - if a person says "I feel that drugs are dangerous for my children", they're not really talking about how they feel - they're speaking about their thoughts. He or she thinks or believes that drugs are dangerous.
OK - so what are feelings?
They're a sort of very basic set of survival instincts. So, for example, if we feel:
SCARED, ANGRY, SAD, LONELY, SHAME or INSECURE - this tells us we need to take action of some kind. Our feelings are saying that we're hurting in some way.
If we feel:
CONTENT, HAPPY, SECURE, LOVING - these tell us to keep on with whatever we're doing.
Some of these feelings are subtle and it can be tricky to recognise them as they might be overwhelmed by our thoughts and actions at the time.
How can we recognise them then?
We can improve at this through practice, but it's not difficult. The main thing we need in order to recognise our feelings is HONESTY - honesty with ourselves.
Sound weird?
Well, it's not really. It's easy to kid ourselves - and other people - that we feel OK, while we're really crying inside. You probably know the scene:
Hello there! Nice to see you again. How are you?"
"Oh I'm fine thanks"
Who am I kidding? I'm in pain! I'm hurting!
But I don't want to admit it - even to myself. Because it's saying I'm a failure.
This is where the HONESTY comes in. Honesty with ourselves.
This could mean taking a bit of time to ask ourselves how we feel. We might talk to ourselves (quietly!!) - to check out what's going on inside.
This can be as simple as just being still for a while and asking ourselves how we are.
- "How am I doing today?"
- "What's going on with me?"
- "How do I feel about this?"
And we can listen to what a quiet voice inside is saying.
This doesn't come from our head. It comes from our hearts. It's sometimes called a 'gut feeling' because it seems to come from deep inside somewhere.
Then -
Really feel them for a while - experience them. Even when they're unpleasant or painful.
Because it's alright.
It's OK to feel lonely. It's OK to feel insecure. It's OK to feel angry.
Just like it's OK to feel happy or contented or relaxed.
These are all healthy, normal emotions - and there's no need to run from them. Our feelings are a big part of who we are and it's bad news to deny them.
That's denying who we are.
OK - so I'm getting to know how I feel - now what?
It's important for our emotional health that we bring our feelings out into the open and not just lock them away in a sort of cellar inside. We need to express them - appropriately.
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