Once we're aware of what's going on inside us - how we feel - what can we do?
Well, one thing's for sure - if we lock away our feelings inside, by denying that they exist or pretending that they don't affect us, then we're in trouble.
Why?
Because if we do that, all our old feelings will stay with us.
Unless we give them a voice, all those hidden feelings that we've been unable or unwilling to express will collect and fester like an open wound. These can be years old.
This hurts!
It hurts our emotional health. It could cause us to abuse drugs or alcohol so we don't feel the pain inside.
SO - We need to express our feelings - appropriately
Talking honestly about our painful feelings is the best way to set them free. Then they don't poison us inside - but can heal naturally.
But a key point here is the word:
We don't need to share all our feelings with everyone! Telling another person how we really feel needs a lot of trust on our part - and it needs respect from the listener.
We may have one or two very close friends or members of our family who we're comfortable with and can tell them how we feel without any reservations.
We may have other friends that we can also share our feelings with - but perhaps we won't reveal so much of ourselves to them. That's OK.
We can learn what's appropriate for us and what's appropriate for other people.
It IS appropriate:
- To share deep personal feelings with close friends and family.
- To tell someone that we feel angry, or scared, or humiliated.
It IS NOT appropriate:
- To share deep personal feelings with someone who we don't know very well.
- To blame someone for how we feel. For example "You've made me angry". This is not true - our feelings come from inside us - not from outside. Instead, we can say "I feel angry - I find your behaviour threatening / insulting / offensive . . . (whatever)"
Sometimes, feelings like anger, resentment, jealousy etc. are expressed in very inappropriate ways. Have you ever seen a person SHOUT, smash things, or hurt someone when they were feeling angry or jealous? Have you ever done this?
Well, needless to say, these -
- they're hurtful
- they're destructive
- they're threatening
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