Jenny was a student who shared a house with five other young people. They all cooked their own food and cleared up afterwards. Neil often didn't bother to wash up his dishes and Jenny had to do this before she could do her own cooking. Jenny felt angry. But Neil was 6 feet 2 inches tall - he was pretty scary!
She could just let things go on as they are - after all, it's not a life or death situation.
But if she did this, she would be storing up more and more anger and resentment about Neil's behaviour. She might begin to despise herself for putting up with this situation.
One day those suppressed feelings could encourage Jenny to abuse drugs or alcohol - as she doesn't feel so bad inside when she's drunk or stoned. But Jenny doesn't want to do that.
Jenny decided that she needed to be honest about the whole situation - and tell Neil how she felt about his behaviour. She took him to one side in the house, so no-one else would hear, and said:
"Look Neil, I need to tell you that I feel angry. It's your responsibility to wash up your own stuff, but you're not doing it.
By doing that, Jenny was owning her anger - not blaming Neil for it - and pointing out that Neil's behaviour was not acceptable.
She then went on to say:
I'm asking you now to make sure that you wash up your things in future - will you agree to do that?"