People like us who are relatives or friends of a problem drug or alcohol user, need to stop giving him or her all of our attention. This is bad for them as it encourages him or her to manipulate everyone around them. And it's harmful for us as well.

So we detach - emotionally. Just because a drug or alcohol user is unhappy or resentful doesn't mean that we have to feel the same way! We can refuse to allow the emotional chaos of the user's life to invade our own. Life is precious let's enjoy it as much as we can.

We can begin to focus on our own life. Go out with our own friends. To the cinema, parties or local pub. Even if we haven't got much money - and that's quite likely with a problem drug/alcohol user in the family - we can still have fun. A visit to a friend, a walk in the park, a call into the local community centre.

We haven't forgotten the drug/alcohol user here We've told them how we feel about their behaviour and we've offered to support them if they get some help. Now it's up to them. He or she must take some action now - because we're not going to rescue them any more!