FIRST - we can accept that we need to change our own behaviour. For you, this probably means changing the way that you've been dealing with the situation up until now. It means challenging the attitudes and thought-processes which have led you to try and control the situation - because, as we've seen, that doesn't work.

Basically you need to stop trying to change the way the child behaves - and start changing the way that you deal with things.

SECOND - we can accept that we need help with this. Until now you may have tried to deal with this situation on your own That's very difficult. In order to change the way you deal with this - you need support. It's important that you get this from outside the family, as well as inside.

You'll find links to several self-help organisations in our LINKS section. They exist so that people can help one another when faced with a similar problem. Where no websites are available - the UK contact details are given. Examples are: FAMILIES ANONYMOUS, ADFAM or AL-ANON. Check them out