SETTING BOUNDARIES
When we set boundaries
we do two things.
We identify behaviour that is not acceptable to us.
We say that we WILL TAKE ACTION about this behaviour.
Children have RIGHTS
such as the right to live in a safe, non-abusive environment. Parents have a DUTY to provide their children with this environment. If a parents' drinking or drug use makes the home unsafe or unhealthy for a child - then action must be taken to correct this.
Let's look at what this means for you
It will help if you work out what sort of things your parent does - as a result of their alcohol or drug abuse - that makes you feel unsafe, insecure or unhappy. Then you write these down. This is only to help you sort things out - you don't have to show your list to anyone.
Let's look at some examples . . .
- Does your parent abuse drink or drugs at home? How often?
- Does your parent invite other adults home to drink or take drugs with?
- Have you ever been left alone in your home? For how long?
- Have you ever gone hungry because there was no food?
- Do you have to do the cooking at home? The cleaning?
- Has your parent ever shown violence toward you? Not only physically, but verbally or emotionally too.
- Are you fed up of broken promises?
These are only a few examples of unacceptable behaviour
you will have your own list - write them down to help get them clear in your mind. Whatever makes you feel unsafe, insecure or unhappy. Remember - you don't have to show your list to anyone.
Now
once you have identified the things that you are no longer willing to accept - then you need to decide what you will do should it happen again.
Because you are young there are obvious limits to what you can do if your parent breaches your boundaries. But you are not powerless
You can take action.
Some examples are:
- You could go to a friends house - and tell their parents why you are there.
- You could tell a teacher at school about your parent's behaviour.
- You could go to a relatives house - and tell them what's happening.
- You could tell the police - if your parent has been violent toward you.
Whatever you decide to do if your parent breaks your boundaries
TRY YOUR BEST TO STICK TO IT
Now - this might seem like pretty scary stuff
after all, we're talking about telling other people (friends, relatives, police etc.) about how your parent is behaving. They might get into trouble . . . then they might take it out on you - or others in the home.
Let me reassure you
Your parent won't get into trouble - unless they have been violent in the home - or toward you, in which case, they deserve to get into trouble - as violence around children is NEVER acceptable. Click here to read more about violence in the home.
Your parent may need some help to overcome their drink or drug problem - and maybe friends, relatives or the police will be able to show them where to get this sort of help.
But that's up to your parent
you need to look after yourself.