SLAA meetings

Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous is a local support group for people struggling with sex addiction, love addiction, pornography addiction, and destructive relationship patterns. SLAA was founded in Boston in 1976 by a long-term AA member who had stayed sober from alcohol but couldn’t stop being unfaithful to his wife. He applied the 12-step model to his sexual compulsions and started a group for others facing similar problems. The fellowship is also known as The Augustine Fellowship, named after the theologian whose autobiography described overcoming his own struggles with lust and attachment.

group-of-people-at-drug-rehab

Who can SLAA help?

SLAA is open to anyone who wants to stop living out a pattern of sex and love addiction. That covers a wide range of behaviours, and many people arrive unsure whether they really belong. The SLAA fellowship doesn’t require you to fit a specific diagnosis, so if your sexual or romantic behaviour feels out of control, you’re welcome.

SLAA members often share common patterns. These may include becoming emotionally attached to people you barely know, staying in relationships that cause obvious harm, confusing intensity for love, using sex to manage stress or depression, compulsive use of pornography or dating apps, obsessive fantasy, or pursuing unavailable partners.

SLAA also recognises the opposite pattern: emotional and sexual anorexia. This means avoiding intimacy entirely out of fear of rejection or vulnerability. Some people swing between the two extremes, acting out compulsively and then withdrawing completely.

How does Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous work?

SLAA follows the same 12-step structure used in AA meetings and NA meetings. Everyone running an SLAA meeting has been through recovery themselves, with the programme built around a few key ideas:

The 12 steps

The steps begin with admitting you’re powerless over your addictive sexual and emotional behaviour. From there, the programme moves through examining your past, acknowledging harm or pain caused, making amends where possible, and eventually helping others who are where you once were.

Bottom line behaviours

A key part of SLAA is defining your own “bottom line behaviours.” These are the specific actions you personally need to stop, such as anonymous sex, compulsive masturbation, obsessive texting, or returning to abusive relationships. Abstaining from your bottom lines is how sobriety is measured in SLAA, and what counts varies from person to person.

The 12 traditions

The traditions are key to governing how SLAA groups operate. They keep the fellowship independent, protect anonymity, and ensure that no single person holds authority over a meeting. Most importantly, as with sex love rehab, the traditions emphasise that what gets said in the room stays there.

Sponsorship

A sponsor is an SLAA member who has worked successfully through the steps and agrees to guide you through them. They help you identify your bottom lines and are someone you can call when you’re tempted to act out. You find a sponsor by attending meetings and asking someone whose recovery you respect.

Higher power

Like other 12-step programmes, SLAA references a “higher power.” This doesn’t have to mean God, and many members interpret it as the SLAA group itself, nature, the love of their family, or anything else that gives them strength.

What are the different CA meeting formats?

Today, SLAA UK meetings are found across England, with smaller coverage in Wales, Scotland, and Northern Ireland. There are several meeting types, and the sensitive subject matter means privacy is taken incredibly seriously. The main SLAA meeting formats include:

In-person SLAA meetings

Most SLAA UK meetings take place in community venues like church halls or in hired rooms. The atmosphere tends to be calm and low-key, and meetings are typically small enough that everyone gets a chance to share if they want.

Remote SLAA meetings

SLAA has run telephone and online meetings for years, and options expanded significantly after the COVID-19 pandemic. Remote meetings work well if joining a meeting in person feels too daunting, or if your schedule or location doesn’t allow it.

Single sex groups

Some SLAA meetings are restricted to just men or women because many members find mixed groups too exposing. These meetings can also be the best way to talk about trauma that involves the opposite sex or specific issues that only men or women face.

LGBTQ+ groups

SLAA welcomes members of all sexual orientations and gender identities, and some areas run specific LGBTQ+ meetings to talk freely about experiences that may not be understood in a general group.

Closed SLAA meetings

Most SLAA meetings are closed, meaning only people who identify as having a problem with sex or love addiction can attend. Given what gets discussed, this restriction helps people speak honestly.

Open SLAA meetings

Open SLAA meetings allow anyone to attend, but these are relatively rare in SLAA compared to other fellowships.

What to expect at your first SLAA meeting

Walking into your first SLAA meeting can feel intimidating, especially given the subject matter. Most members felt the same way, so it is completely normal and understandable. The best thing to do is arrive early if you can, and let someone know it’s your first time. They will show you the ropes, help you choose a seat, and answer any questions.

The meeting will then open with readings and introductions. When the introductions reach you, giving your first name is enough, but saying nothing is also fine. Nobody will ask what brought you there unless you choose to share. People usually hang back after the formal meeting closes, and this is when you can ask questions or swap numbers with someone who might become a sponsor.

What are the benefits of joining SLAA meetings?

Professional treatment for behavioural addiction can be hard to access on the NHS, and private behavioural rehab options are sometimes expensive. SLAA UK meetings cost nothing and have no time limit. Other important benefits include:

No GP referral or waiting list before you start attending meetings
Meetings multiple times a week, including in the evenings and weekends when people aren’t working
A community of people who understand feelings around romantic and sexual issues
One-to-one guidance through SLAA sponsorship
Anonymity protected by the traditions of the fellowship
Support that lasts as long as you need it

If you’re also dealing with alcohol addiction or drug addiction, you can attend SLAA alongside AA or NA meetings. Many people find that addressing their sex and love patterns helps them stay sober from substances, too.

How to find an SLAA meeting near you

The SLAA UK website at slaauk.org/meeting-list has a full directory organised by region, with separate listings for online and telephone meetings.

Because of the sensitive subject matter, some people prefer to speak to a member before attending, and you should be able to find phone numbers on the website.

If you’d like help finding SLAA meetings or want to discuss treatment for behavioural addictions, Recovery.org.uk can also help. Get in touch through our contact us page, and we will answer all your questions.

Frequently Asked Questions

What counts as sobriety in SLAA?

Sobriety in SLAA means abstaining from your personal “bottom line behaviours,” the specific patterns you’ve identified as destructive. This varies from person to person. For some, it may mean no anonymous sex, while for others, it may mean no contact with a particular ex. You will usually define your own bottom lines with help from your sponsor.

Is SLAA only for people addicted to sex?

No. SLAA covers love addiction, romantic obsession, co-dependency, fantasy addiction, porn addiction, and emotional or sexual avoidance. In fact, there are many members who don’t identify as sex addicts at all. The common thread is compulsive patterns around intimacy and attachment that cause harm.

Will people at SLAA know what I’ve done?

Only if you choose to tell them. Sharing is voluntary, and you control how much detail you give. Anonymity is a core rule of SLAA, and members are not supposed to discuss anything said in meetings with anyone outside.